I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The power of my boobs compel you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
