Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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