i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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