I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
