what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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