swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
