I don't think brook has ever known best
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
