Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
