I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
