the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
