Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
