I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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