They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize