I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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