im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
