at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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