Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
