1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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