he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
im on a boat
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