Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
