Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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