you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
