OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
