im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
