I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
