I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
