My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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