I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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