The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
