i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
