Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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