She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
