Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
