Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
