i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
