Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
