The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
