Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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