Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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