She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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