let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
