This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
