I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
