i just wanna soil my oats bro
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
