I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
