I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im holly from the hills drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
