So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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