I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
