You're my little dorito
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
