recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
did you just send me my own nude
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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