Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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