There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
