Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize