Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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