I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
