My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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