Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
