I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
