five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
where are my eyebrows?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
