At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
