We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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