u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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