this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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