Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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