Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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