the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
tell me about the fingering
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