I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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