My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
