just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
