Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
