I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
40s are totally the cure
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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