Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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