You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
