I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
