Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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