the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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