Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
