did you get engaged???
two words: eviction party
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
